My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
