I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
