i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
