walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
