do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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