i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
