at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
