Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up

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(989): View more from Michigan

News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

(1-989): View more from Michigan

Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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(907): View more from Alaska

the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(702): View more from Nevada

You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

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(770): View more from Georgia

who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

(404): View more from Georgia

you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.

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