This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
and you fell through a lawn chair
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor