You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.