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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

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• (415): View more from California

  I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota

  (415): View more from California

  everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy

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• (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

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• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

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• (904): View more from Florida

  pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away

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• (650): View more from California

  Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...

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• (585): View more from New York

  Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.

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