She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen