She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.