The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...