You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
