So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found your dick twin last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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