We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
