They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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