Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
