who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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