I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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