update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
