what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
