oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
