We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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