bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You don't make any sense
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