Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
