I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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