I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
