Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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