So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
