You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
