Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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