I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
