He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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