allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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