So drunk its hurt
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
