the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
