hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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