Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
