Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
