nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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