Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize