just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
