How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Couch. On fire.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
