he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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