I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
