Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
