***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
did i walk over a car last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
