I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
