I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
