so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
