yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
false alarm, still single
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
