nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
