i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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