just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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