i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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