We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
