he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
