I hate all girls vehemently.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
