ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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