I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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