i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
