I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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