He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
