Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
