I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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