??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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