Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
