3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Randomize
