I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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